Every morning.

From out of the cocoon of my warm cosy bed, on the only day of the week where I dont have a 6:00 am start.

My Room mate starts shouting, I ask him politely to stop making noise with my very best morning temperament.

That's when I notice a rustling.

With the fury only a hormonal teenage girl could match it launched down into my room, its eyes red with madness.

Crashing into the walls.

The Chaos stops.

A bird?

It cant be possible the windows are closed, this must be an awful dream.

She stairs at me perched on my hoodey.

We watch each other, I decide to be the bigger man I open my window.

She ignores this obviously monumental gesture of forgiveness for disturbing my slumber.

She watches me for ten more minutes, shits on my hoodey and the meanders out as if she owns the place.

who are you?

I am a good man

Ask me anything and everything

what went wrong?

Me: Hey love, haven't spoken in a while. Whats up?
Sabby: Don't bother Mike.
Me: ok lol
Sabby: Its not funny Mike.
Me: Well it is rather.
Sabby: No it's not, why are you talking about me behind my back?

Now at this point I have to do a double check, i haven't talked to this girl or anyone associated to her in about 6 months, I was certainly not talking about her.

Me: you're being ridiculous, what are you talking about?
Sabby: Don't bullshit me Mike you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Me: yes you must be right I couldn't possibly be saying hello there must be malicious intent.
Sabby: huh?
Me: you know Sab I wish I knew as much as you do because then I'd know everything.
Sabby: just delete my number I've deleted yours.
Me: 07923476229 this is my new number love mike.
Sabby: who's this?
Me: It's me Mike you know you love me
Sabby: Fuck off.

5 hours pass.

Me: I miss you.
Sabby: bye.

I twitter less than...

I forget to fulfil a commitment, I give up drinking or smoking, I avoid work, my best friend cries.

What do you do more than you twitter?

scary shiz

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 567 + 89 = 666. Or if you prefer: 123 + 456 +78 + 9 = 666. Pretty scary, huh?

Time

is a resource, a precious commodity and a mass murderer.
You can't live with it and you certainly can't live without it.
the more of it i have the happier i am and yet the most happy I could be would be completely without its existence where there are no deadline, late fees or appointments.

If Time didn't exist what would people even talk about?

Late

A four letter word that best describes me, there are of course worse words but for me there are not more honest ones.
Born Late
Late to lectures
Late for deadlines
Trying to cook my food when it's too Late.

What four letter word describes you?

the moment when i realised i had taken my yoghurt lid off without getting any yoghurt in it

This was a beautiful moment when I realised that there was no yoghurt on my lid now don't preted you're not impressed with that.

Free stuff and Essex girls

I LOVE FREE STUFF.

I saw a poster it called out to me from across the street, it was beautiful. With a voice gentle as though it were a lover or an angel.
" Free pizza."

My heart raced, my palms began to sweat and for a brief moment in time we were alone. Naturally I ran back to my house to  give the good news to my house mates. They already knew and thats when I was introduced to my new room mate. He's a good man I couldn't ask for a better lad to share with. As a house we ran to the pizza and collected the glorious free food.

 For the second time in one day. "Do you want to come to my bussiness meeting there's free booze?"
I had already begun to formulate a plan. I would go to the meeting pretend to be a bussiness student and when they're not looking I'd swipe as much wine as I possible could.

So we arrived and i began to mingle casually throwing around bussiness terminology and even though I wasn't dressed for the occasion it had worked I was in, I was one of them. Standing like bowling pins they were calling to me all I had to do was seize the opputunity.

A smartly dressed woman strolled over to the wine; designer bag in hand. She kissed her teeth and robbed 3 bottles. The game begins. So I called her, "Excuse me!" I heckled. She thought the jig was up the whole place was silent. I shock her hand and told her that I thought she was fantastic.

As it happened she was from Essex. She told us that she was 19, and went on to explain that she had past her prime. She couldnt wait to tell us about the Botox she was booked for and a whole new treatment called snake venom. Apparently you pose your face exactly how you want it and then spray your face with this snake venom it causes contraction and paralysis of certain muscles. Just like when your mother says if the wind changes your face will be stuck that way.





 

At risk of sounding socially incompetant

So I've started a new chapter in my life recently, by becomming a member of Surrey University which by the way is great. It's because of this new chapter in my life that this thought has popped into my head.

Why do organisations insist on forcing chemistry between people?

It's freshers week we're all new so why is the university expecting us to act like old pals? The whole thing reminds me of those awful workshops your workplace forces you to go to for "health and fucking safety."
Is it too much to ask to be left alone and let me find friends in my own time?

As a house we were asked to attend a gathering to meet our warden, who was a nice guy. He even provided us with drinks. For the first half hour people feebly attempted to exchange small talk. We were huddled in cliquey circles similar to the way penguins huddle for warmth. We grouped just to protect ourselves from the gale force awkward. I looked around at the groups, at the faces of the other students I could see the despair.
Which in a sick way I kind of enjoyed because I suddenly knew that i wasn't the only outsider, infact everyone was an outsider. When we finally escaped the look of reliefe on my fellow peers faces was a sight to be seen. The feeling of freedom was euphoric.

So to conclude dont worry about making friends staight away relationships take time to manifest. Relationships should not be forced.

First

I am not going to write crap just to fill up space, however i do have an issue with not posting anything so as a compromise i'll keep this short. there will be no further posts untill i have something interesting to say. X)